The results are in! Roughly a month after posting my “14 Lists You Didn’t Know Aren’t Actually BuzzFeed Lists” and asking for your input on which one I should complete, the people have spoken. They want proof that rain is real. 22 reasons, specifically. So I give you, for your peace of mind, 22 facts that prove rain is real:
1) You can see it.
2) The ground gets wet/puddles.
You know when the ground looks like it was hosed down recently, yet there is no spigot in sight? That’s the remnants of rain, known in the scientific world as rainmants.
3) Plants continue to live and grow, even when people don’t make sure to water them!
I’m a pretty responsible guy, but even I forget to water Petunia, my daisy plant, every so often. Somehow, he (I think it’s a dude flower) survives. But if I don’t feed him, who does? Nature. With rain. Filling him up to his little heart’s (metaphorical) content.
4) My roof leaks.
I’m no building contractor, so I don’t quite know what my roof is made of, but I’m pretty positive it’s not a block of ice that sometimes melts and causes drips into my living room like Outkast’s “Ms. Jackson” video. I know where that water’s coming from. That’s rain, baby.
5) Umbrellas are a thing.
You think Farnsworth Bentley was able to become famous simply because of Diddy? Hell no. Private line of umbrellas is what made him a somebody. And why does he have umbrellas? To protect him from the rain. That’s why we all have them, hidden in a closet somewhere, with broken spokes.
6) My dad has a barrel full of it post storm.
The name of this thing is a RAIN barrel, as in a barrel that holds rain. It’s not called a myth barrel.
7) People from Seattle won’t shut up about it.
Until the Seahawks won the Super Bowl last year, the only things they had to brag about were the Space Needle (pshhhh) and rain. “It’s always raining here,” “It rains all the time here, “Have you been here before? I bet it was raining…” Seattle – we get it – you like to get wet, and rain is the culprit.
8) LA drivers suddenly become even worse.
LA is notorious for bad traffic and aggressive drivers. We’ve become accustomed to it. But sometimes they get EVEN WORSE! People freak out in their cars, swerve all over the place, and scream into their steering wheels as their eyes water like the sky. That’s right, the sky’s waterfall is causing the chaos. Rain is to blame.
9) I’ve felt it, first hand.
Oh I’ve felt it. I’ve been walking on a cloudy day and then feeling droplets hit my head, and my arms, softly and spread out at first, then it was as if the clouds were watching me perform a bad stand up set, but instead of throwing tomatoes at me they hit me with tiny balls of water.
10) We have footage of it in action.
Remember how we can see it? We can actually see it WHENEVER WE WANT because we caught that mess on tape.
11) Rain has been referenced in countless songs.
“Rain drops keep falling on my head,” “Singing in the rain,” Put my coat on in the pouring rain,” “Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day,” “I’m only happy when it rains,” we get it, music, you know rain’s real. Quit acting like Seattle.
12) My car gets clean and I NEVER EVER WASH IT.
$5 for a self-wash? I think not. The rain’s got my back like chiroprac. I’d tip you if I could, Mother Earth, but hopefully driving a Prius counts. Love me a good rain wash.
13) Every once in a while, I let my dog out, he’s dry, and when he comes back in, he’s wet!
I highly doubt some giant, slobbery monster is licking my dog all over his body and has cold, non-sticky saliva. My dog gets wet from rain, and then demonstrates how rain feels by shaking it off all over me inside my house.
14) Animals in the wild survive and no one provides them with a bowl of water, even when there are no lakes/rivers nearby.
Not only do animals wear the rain, they drink it too! The sky provides them with water, which is why all animals worship storm clouds as their one true god, the rain god.
15) Looking sad out of a window is an accepted image.
So whistful, so depressing. This image only works because of rain. If you’re looking out the window at a sunny day, you’re just a bummer. With rain in the picture, we’re on your side.
16) People invented something to do with their money at strip clubs based off it.
Ask a professional athlete or rapper, they know ALL about rain. Rain is responsible for their bankruptcy. My friend @justinhclark even has a joke about it.
17) You can hear it.
Pitter patter ain’t just for footsteps. Rain is responsible for some of the most pleasant tapping sounds of all time.
18) Windshield Wipers.
Some features on cars are just made up to charge you more money (radio, seat belts, air bags, cup holders, etc.), but windshield wipers serve a real purpose: to make sure you can see when it’s raining. Clearing your windshield is a top priority when you’re driving a car because you’ve gotta see where you’re going to get there (in theory)!
19) There are delays at baseball games.
What can make the slowest game on the planet even slower? Rain delays! Thanks rain, for helping make America’s past time a true test of patience.
20) My old ass neighbor’s knee acts up.
Ol’ Sal has quite a yap on him, and he loves telling me about how his knee acts up when it’s about to rain. He’s like Miss Cleo as a meteorologist.
These sky ribbons don’t come out of a bucket of gold, as legend has it. They show up after a sprinkling of rain to make us all forget about our troubles for a little bit, view some pretty colors, and think about Pink Floyd. Rain is responsible for one of nature’s prettiest visuals, and you should show it some g-damn respect.
22) My mom bought me this outfit to protect me from it.
Please note that the man pictured above is a model, not really me. I have yet to wear it.